My Story with Screens: A Confession
I still remember the day I missed my highway exit because I was too busy checking my notifications. Nothing serious, just 20 minutes lost and a little gas wasted. But it was my personal shock.
That evening, I checked my screen time: 5 hours and 37 minutes a day on average. More time than I spent sleeping, talking to my loved ones, or doing anything else. Have you ever dared to check your screen timer?
If you're reading this article, it's probably because you, too, are feeling this vague unease, this impression that your phone controls you more than the other way around. Welcome to the "phone addicts who want to quit" club!
This 21-day program was born from my own journey https://www.addictaide.fr/addiction/addiction-aux-ecrans/ , the most recent scientific research, and the testimonies of dozens of people I've supported. It's not perfect (nothing is), but it's proven. So, are you ready to take back control?
Summary
- Why 21 Days? The Science Behind the Program
- Before you begin: prepare your detox
- Week 1: Awareness and First Steps
- Week 2: Rebuilding New Habits
- Week 3: Consolidation and long-term vision
- After detox: maintaining balance sustainably
- Testimonials from participants in previous detoxes
- FAQs and Common Obstacles
Why 21 Days? The Science Behind the Program
“It takes 21 days to create a new habit.” You’ve probably heard this statement before. The reality is more nuanced (as always).
The myth of 21 days
This popular belief stems from the work of Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon in the 1950s, who observed that his patients took about 21 days to adjust to their new faces. But be careful: he was talking about a minimum, not an absolute rule!
More recent research from University College London suggests that it takes an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. Some habits can become ingrained in 18 days, while others take up to 254 days. Not very encouraging, is it?
So why 21 days anyway?
I chose this duration for three main reasons:
- This is long enough to observe real neurological changes (neuroplasticity begins to operate)
- It's short enough to stay motivated and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- It is structured into three separate weeks , each with its own objectives.
As Jeanne, 42, told me after following this program: "The first 5 days were hell. The second week was bearable. By the third week, I started wondering why I was so addicted to my phone before."
What science says about our smartphone addiction
Some figures to think about:
- We check our phones an average of 58 times a day (RescueTime study, 2024)
- 46% of users say they “couldn’t live without their smartphone” (Pew Research)
- Each notification triggers a release of dopamine comparable to that of a small food reward
Dr. Anna Lembke, a Stanford psychiatrist specializing in addiction, explains that our smartphones activate the same reward circuitry as drugs, but with constant accessibility. "It's like having a cocaine dispenser in your pocket, available 24/7," she told me during an interview for my podcast last year.
I was struck by this comparison, which may seem excessive. Yet, when I observe my own behaviors (such as checking my phone in the bathroom, upon waking, during conversations), I must admit that they strangely resemble those of an addiction.
Before you begin: prepare your detox 
As with any significant change, preparation is crucial. Here's how to put the odds in your favor:
Make an honest diagnosis
Before you begin, take a week to observe your digital habits without changing anything:
- Enable screen time tracking on your phone
- Write down when, why and how you use your smartphone
- Identify your emotional triggers (boredom, anxiety, loneliness, etc.)
Define your “why”
Vague motivations like "spending less time on my phone" rarely hold up over time. Dig deeper:
- What do you want back? Time? Attention? Relationships?
- What aspects of your life are suffering from your overuse?
- How will you feel after these 21 days?
Write down these reasons and keep them visible. The hard times will come (trust me), and you'll need to remind yourself why you're making this effort.
Prepare your environment
Our environment strongly influences our behavior.
A few simple adjustments:
- Buy a classic alarm clock to replace the phone alarm
- Designate phone-free zones in your home (bedroom, dining room)
- Prepare alternatives : books, games, manual activities...
- Inform your loved ones of your approach to obtain their support
Personal tip : I bought a box with a timer that only opens after a set amount of time. I place my phone in it during periods of deep labor. It sounds extreme, but it's been a game-changer for me!
Choose your level of commitment
This program offers three intensity levels. Choose the one that suits you:
- Beginner Level: Gradual reduction, phone-free zones and times
- Intermediate Level : Basic phone on weekdays, smartphone on weekends
- Advanced Level: Complete switch to a phone without internet for 21 days
Be ambitious but realistic. It's better to succeed at a moderate level than to fail at a level that's too demanding.
" I first tried the advanced level and I cracked after 3 days. I felt so guilty... Then I started again at the beginner level, and I managed to last the 21 days. Now I'm at the intermediate level and it's become my new normal. " - Marc, 37
Week 1: Awareness and First Steps
The goal of this first week is not to completely eliminate smartphone use, but to regain conscious control of your relationship with it.
Day 1-3: Active Observation
Goal : Become aware of your habits without yet changing them drastically.
Concrete actions:
- Turn on screen time notifications (yes, the irony is deliberate)
- Install an app that counts your unlocks
- Before each use, ask yourself: "Why am I picking up my phone now?"
- Keep a journal of your observations
My experience: On the first day, I counted 134 unlocks. I was stunned. Most of the time, I didn't even know why I'd picked up my phone. It had become a Pavlovian reflex.
Day 4-5: Eliminating Triggers
Objective: Identify and neutralize what causes you to check your phone.
Concrete actions:
- Turn off ALL non-essential notifications
- Switch your screen to black and white (surprisingly effective!)
- Reorganize your home screen: just the tools, not the distractions
- Remove the most time-consuming or addictive apps
Helpful tip: Don't delete everything at once. I made this mistake and reinstalled all my apps in a moment of weakness. Start with the 2-3 most problematic ones.
Day 6-7: Establishing the first boundaries
Goal: Create protected spaces and moments in your day.
Concrete actions:
- Establish phone-free hours (morning and evening)
- Designate phone-free areas (bedroom, dining table)
- Try a first full day without social media
- Warn your loved ones that you will be less responsive
Common difficulty: Anxiety about missing out (FOMO). Remember: before smartphones, emergencies still found a way to get to us.
Week 2: Rebuilding New Habits
After a first week of awareness, it's time to fill the void left by reduced screen time.
Day 8-10: Rediscovering Creative Boredom
Goal: Relearn how to do nothing without constant digital stimulation.
Concrete actions:
- Practice 10 minutes of voluntary "time-out" daily
- Observe your thoughts when the urge to check your phone arises.
- Try monotonous activities without distractions (walking, waiting for a bus, etc.)
- Write down the ideas that emerge during these moments of boredom.
Personal anecdote: It was during a train ride without a phone (dead battery) that I came up with the idea for this digital detox program. Boredom can be incredibly productive!
Day 11-14: Reconnecting to Alternatives
Goal: Rediscover activities that nourish your mind and body.
Concrete actions:
- Spend 30 minutes a day on a manual activity (drawing, gardening, cooking, etc.)
- Reconnect with a friend in person, not via screens
- Read a physical book for at least 20 minutes daily
-
Explore your neighborhood without GPS or phone
Top tip: Don't turn these activities into stressful new obligations. The idea is to rediscover joy, not to add more boxes to your to-do list.
“ I picked up my brushes again after 15 years of not painting. The first two days, I was frustrated by my mediocre results. Then I realized I was painting for the process, not the result. This realization changed the way I approach many other aspects of my life . ” - Samira, 45
Week 3: Consolidation and long-term vision
The final week aims to transform these new habits into a sustainable lifestyle.
Day 15-17: Evaluation and adjustments
Objective: Take stock of your progress and refine your approach.
Concrete actions:
- Compare your current usage statistics with those from the beginning
- Identify strategies that have worked for you
- Recognize when you relapsed and why
- Adjust your plan for the last part of the program
Common observation: Most participants experience a 50-70% reduction in screen time at this point, but also a significant decrease in phone anxiety.
Day 18-21: Creating a Sustainable Balance
Goal: Define your ideal long-term relationship with technology.
Concrete actions:
- Write your “personal digital constitution”
- Plan regular detoxes (one day a week, one weekend a month, etc.)
- Consider lasting hardware changes (phone without internet, data plan limitations, etc.)
- Celebrate your progress and share your experience
Question to ask yourself: "What relationship with my phone would allow me to be the best version of myself?"
After detox: maintaining balance sustainably
The end of the 21 days is not an end in itself, but the beginning of a new relationship with technology.
The pitfalls of returning to "normal"
Beware of rationalizations that can make you relapse:
- “I need this app for my work”
- "I'll just quickly check..."
- “Everyone uses this app, I’ll be banned.”
I've coached dozens of people through this process, and the post-detox period is often the most challenging. Our brains are very good at justifying a return to old, comfortable habits.
Long-term maintenance strategies
Some proven approaches:
-
The minimalist approach: Only reinstall apps you actually need, not ones you "might use someday"
-
The 24-hour rule: Before installing a new app, wait 24 hours to see if you really need it.
-
Regular detoxes: Establish periods without smartphones (evenings, weekends, holidays)
- The Hardware Solution: Seriously consider a phone without internet for everyday use
> My personal choice: After my first detox, I switched to a https://thephone.fr/ as my primary device during the week, and only use my smartphone on weekends. This change has transformed my productivity and mental well-being.
The importance of the social environment
Your entourage can be your best ally or your worst enemy in this process:
- Share your experience with your loved ones
- Offer group challenges (phone-free dinners, disconnected weekends)
- Find detox partners to support each other
Trick that works: Create a "phone jar" at social gatherings. The first person to check their phone pays a forfeit (or the next coffee).
Testimonials from participants in previous detoxes
Laurent, 52 years old, senior executive
" I thought I was 'too busy' to cut down on my smartphone use. The truth? I'm much more efficient since limiting my screen time. The constant notifications fragmented my thinking. I've regained my ability to focus deeply, which I thought I'd lost with age. "
Amina, 28 years old, graphic designer
" The first week was HORRIBLE. I felt like a drug addict in withdrawal. Then something strange happened: I started drawing again for fun, not just for work. My nights are better, my thoughts clearer. I'll never go back to my old relationship with my phone. "
Victor, 19 years old, student
" My friends made fun of me when I started this detox. Three weeks later, two of them asked me how to do the same. What surprised me most? My attention span during classes improved significantly. And contrary to what I feared, my social life didn't suffer—it was enriched. "
Marie, 35 years old, mother of two children
" I realized I was asking my kids to limit their screens while being unable to let go of mine. This hypocrisy weighed on me. The detox was a family project: we all cut down together. The first phone-free dinners were oddly silent. Now we talk more than ever. "
"https://www.parentalite-numerique.fr/
FAQs and Common Obstacles
“My job requires me to be connected. How can I do that?”
This is the number one objection I hear. Some solutions:
- Clearly distinguish between professional and personal uses
- Use blocking apps during your focus hours
- Negotiate disconnection periods with your team
-
Try a dual-SIM phone: business during the day, personal at night
Case in point: A doctor I coached set up his phone so that only hospital calls would come through during his personal hours. Everything else would wait until the next day.
“I feel anxious without my phone. Is this normal?”
Totally normal, and even expected! This anxiety is a classic withdrawal symptom. Here are some tips:
- Recognize this anxiety as temporary
- Practice breathing exercises when it occurs
- Start with short periods without a phone
- Gradually increase the duration
The good news? This anxiety usually decreases after 3-5 days.
"I failed and fell back into my old ways. What should I do?"
First, let go of guilt. It doesn't help. Then:
- Analyze what triggered your relapse
- Resume at a less ambitious level
- Focus on small victories
- Consider counseling or a support group
Important reminder: Perfection is not the goal. Progress is.
“My entourage sabotages my efforts. How can I manage?”
A classic and frustrating situation. Some approaches:
- Explain your motivations (without judging their habits)
- Suggest compromises (e.g., put phones away during meals)
- Find allies elsewhere if necessary
- Stand firm on your personal boundaries
Conclusion: Beyond Detox
This digital detox isn't an end in itself, but the beginning of a more conscious relationship with technology. The goal isn't to reject smartphones—those incredible tools—but to put them back in their place: tools that serve us, not masters that control us.
As one participant told me, "I didn't do this detox to use my phone less. I did it to live my life more."
And you, are you ready to take back control?
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If you found this article helpful, please share it with your loved ones. And if you have any questions or would like to share your experience, leave a comment below!
About the author: After working for 12 years in Silicon Valley designing addictive apps, I shifted focus to help people regain their digital autonomy. I now lead digital detox workshops and guide businesses and individuals toward a more balanced use of technology.
Discover ThePhone, the ideal phone without internet for your digital detox: https://thephone.fr/
Sources and references
- Tisseron, S. (2023). The 3-6-9-12 Rule: Taming Screens and Growing Up. Érès Éditions.
- Médiamétrie. (2020). Junior Connect' 2020: Young people and screens. Retrieved from https://www.open-asso.org/presse/2020/02/smartphones-les-enfants-recoivent-leur-premier-telephone-a-9-ans/
- American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). Children and Media Tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Retrieved from https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/media-and-children/
- National Council for Child Protection. (2023). Report on the exposure of minors to screens. Retrieved from https://www.francebleu.fr/infos/sante-sciences/ecrans-et-enfants-un-rapport-preconise-leur-interdiction-avant-3-ans-et-l-usage-du-smartphone-a-partir-de-11-ans-8060094
- Wagner, L., et al. (2024). Smartphone use and cognitive development in adolescents: A longitudinal study. Journal of Cognitive Development, 35(2), 178-196.
- University of Montreal. (2023). The impact of screens on adolescents' social interactions. Canadian Journal of Psychology, 64(3), 219-234.
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