At what age should you give your child their first phone? A guide that will save you a lot of headaches

When my 8-year-old son asked me for a phone...

" Dad, Lucas has an iPhone 16! Why don't I have a phone? "

My son asked me this question one Tuesday evening, as I was desperately trying to cook pasta without it sticking to the bottom of the pan (mission failed, by the way). At the time, I mumbled a vague "we'll talk about it later" while saving my dinner.

But this question deserved better than my evasive answer. It deserved some serious thought. And apparently, I'm not the only parent asking it, since you're reading this article!

So, at what age should you give your child their first phone?

The short answer: it depends.

The long answer: this is what we will explore together, without judgment and with pragmatism.

Summary

• The real questions to ask yourself before buying
• What the experts say (and why they don't always agree)
• How to Know If Your Child Is Ready (Hint: It's Not Just About Age)
• Phone with or without internet: the match
• Recommendations by age: from first grade to high school
• Rules that work
• The rules that (almost) always generate conflicts
• Alternatives to smartphones: yes, they exist!
• Parents' words
• Frequently Asked Questions

The real questions to ask yourself before buying

Before you give in to your child's umpteenth request (or peer pressure from other parents), take a moment to consider these questions. They're better than a simple "How old is he again?"

Why does he really want a phone?

At a digital parenting workshop I was leading last month, I asked about ten children why they wanted a phone.

Their answers:

“ To play Minecraft ” (Léo, 7 years old)

“ Because all my friends have one ” (Emma, 9 years old)

“ To make TikTok videos ” (Jade, 10 years old)

“ To call grandma who lives far away ” (Nolan, 8 years old)

You'll notice that only the last answer actually addresses the primary function of a phone: communication. Other needs could be met in other ways (game console, family tablet, camera).

So why does your child want one? And does that need really justify a personal device?

Does he really need to contact you regularly?

Ask yourself these questions without lying to yourself:

• Does he walk alone between school and home?
• Does he participate in activities where you are not present?
• Are there any situations where you really need to contact him quickly?

If you answered "no" to all of these questions, the need for a phone is probably more of a want than a necessity. And it's okay to admit it!

Personal confession : I gave my eldest daughter a phone at 10 because she'd started walking home from dance class alone. Six months later, I realized she'd barely used it to call me—but she'd downloaded 28 gaming apps. Maybe I should have just gotten a smartwatch...

Are you ready to handle this new parental role?

Let's be honest for two minutes: giving a phone is a commitment to:

• Establish and enforce rules (not always popular)
• Monitor usage more or less (without becoming a spy)
• Having sometimes complicated conversations about what he sees online
• Managing crises when the phone is confiscated/broken/lost
  

If you're already going through a hectic period at work or in the middle of a home renovation, now might not be the ideal time to add this responsibility to your list.

What the experts say (and why they don't always agree)

Expert recommendations vary considerably, making our task more difficult. Here's a quick overview of the different positions:

On the side of pediatricians

The French Academy of Pediatrics suggests:

• Before age 10 : Avoid all personal phones
• 10-12 years : Basic phone for essential communications
• After 12-13 years : Possibility of a smartphone with strict supervision

But wait! The French Pediatric Society, on the other hand, says it's 11 years old for a basic phone and 14 years old for a smartphone. Who should you believe?

I asked Dr. Martine Vernet, a pediatrician I've known since my daughter had severe bronchiolitis at 3 months old. Her answer? " The recommendations are guidelines, not absolute rules. Every child is different, and so is every family. "

Neuroscience gets involved

Michel Desmurget, whom I had the chance to interview for a podcast last year, is categorical: " A child's brain is not equipped to handle the information overload of a smartphone before the age of 14 or 15. "

He explained to me that executive functions (those that allow us to resist temptation and plan ahead) are not mature until late adolescence. Hence his rather firm stance: basic phone around age 11-12, smartphone not before age 14-15.

But other researchers, like Sylvie Chokron, qualify this: " It's not so much age that counts as parental support and media education. "

And what about the teachers in all this?

I spoke with several teachers for this article (thanks to them for taking the time to answer my questions between two papers to mark). Their findings:

• In primary school: Children with phones are often tired and less attentive
• In middle school: Significant difference in concentration between students with basic phones and smartphones
• In high school: Major problem of addiction, even among good students

A striking testimony from Jérôme, a 5th-grade French teacher: " I conducted an experiment last year. For one term, I asked my students to record their screen time every day. Those who exceeded 3 hours per day had an average of 2.5 points lower on their assessments. The correlation was clear. "

How to Know If Your Child Is Ready (Hint: It's Not Just About Age)

Age is a useful indicator, but frankly, it's a limiting factor. Some 10-year-olds are more responsible than 13-year-olds (sorry if that offends some parents, but we all know it's true).

Here are some signs that your child might be ready for their first phone:

He already manages his business well

Does your child:

• Find your things without turning the house into a battlefield?
• Take care of your valuables (console, bike)?
• Remember to charge your tablet/console before it runs out of battery?

If you answered "uh..." to these questions, now imagine with a €300 phone...

He understands (a little) the digital world

During a digital workshop in a school in Bordeaux, I asked the children: " What happens to a photo once it is published on the internet? "

The answers were revealing:

• " She stays forever " (Correct!)
• " We can delete it whenever we want " (Not quite...)
• " No one can see it without my permission " (If only...)

Does your child have basic understanding of online privacy? Does he or she understand that the internet has the memory of an elephant?

He has a balanced life

Observe your child:

• Does he have varied interests?
• Can he keep himself busy without a screen for several hours?
• Does it easily accept turning off the console/tablet when the time is up?

If you already have battles over screen time with the family tablet, those conflicts are likely to escalate with a personal phone.

He talks to you when he has a problem

This is perhaps the most important criterion. Does your child come to you when:

• He's arguing with a friend?
• Does he see something that disturbs him?
• He did something stupid and has to take responsibility for it?

This openness to dialogue will be crucial when confronted with online content and interactions.

Phone with or without internet: the match

Let's be honest: isn't a phone without internet in 2025 a bit old-fashioned? Not so fast! This option deserves some attention.

What the science says (without knocking you out)

A study by the University of Tours published last January followed 245 children aged 10-12 for 18 months.

Results :

• Group with smartphones: average 12% drop in sustained attention performance
• Group with basic phones: no significant changes
• Group without phone: slight improvement (5%)

I found these results striking enough to share with my sister-in-law, who was hesitant about getting one for her 11-year-old daughter. She ultimately opted for a phone without internet, and she's still thanking me six months later.

Comparison table

Field experience

I interviewed Samia, the principal of a REP+ middle school who has set up an experiment: a 5th grade class "without smartphones" (only basic phones are allowed).

" The results surprised even us," she told me. "Not only did the grades improve slightly, but more importantly, the classroom atmosphere was transformed. More interaction during recess, fewer reported conflicts, and—most strikingly—the students themselves report feeling 'more at peace .' "

This testimony echoes my personal experience. My 12-year-old nephew, who has had a phone without internet since the start of the school year, recently told me: " At first, I was disgusted. Now, I'm glad I don't have all these notifications like my friends. They're always stressed. "

Recommendations by age: from first grade to high school

Here are my recommendations, based on current research and my experience supporting families. But remember: you know your child better than anyone!

6-9 years old (CP-CM1): No (except exceptions)

Recommendation: No personal phone at this age.

For what ?

At this age, children especially need:

• Develop their motor skills through physical play
• Learn to interact face to face
• Develop their imagination without screens
• Consolidate their fundamental learning

However, I have encountered situations where a (very basic) phone was justified even at 7-8 years old: child with a medical problem requiring supervision, particular family situation... But these cases remain exceptional.

Alternative : If your child needs to contact you occasionally, a smartwatch with limited calls may be a solution. Be careful, however, as some models are real spyware—choose ones that respect your child's privacy.

9-11 years old (CM1-CM2): Maybe, but basic

Recommendation : Phone without internet in certain specific cases.

When to consider a phone?

• Regular unaccompanied journeys
• Separated parents with a need for communication between homes
• Multiple and remote extracurricular activities

My advice: If you decide to give a phone to this age, choose a model without internet, robust, and with good battery life. And above all, establish clear rules from the start.

Anecdote: My daughter got her first phone (without internet) at 10 and a half. For the first month, she kept forgetting it at home. I almost gave up, thinking she wasn't ready. Then I realized: she didn't see the point because her friends didn't have phones to text yet! Six months later, when two of her friends got their phones, she never left hers.

11-13 years old (6th-5th grade): The pivotal age

Recommendation : Phone without internet for the majority, smartphone very restricted for some.

This is the age when social pressure intensifies considerably. Your child will tell you that "EVERYONE" has an iPhone 16 Pro Max. The reality? According to the latest national survey, only 62% of 6th graders own a phone, 41% of them a smartphone.

Factors to consider:

• Individual maturity (more important than age)
• Level of autonomy in travel
• Demonstrated ability to follow rules
• Social environment (peer pressure)

Parent-to-parent advice: If you choose a smartphone at this age, be prepared for strict supervision. Parental control apps, regular check-ins, and above all, lots of open discussion about what they see online.

13-15 years old (4th-3rd): Gradual transition

Recommendation: Possible transition to a smartphone with suitable support.

At this age, most teenagers need a phone for their social and academic lives. The question is no longer so much "smartphone or not" as "how to effectively manage it."

Important prerequisites:

• Proof of liability with a basic phone or other devices
• Understanding digital issues (digital footprint, cyberbullying)
• Open communication with parents

Recommended approach: Rather than strict control that will inevitably be circumvented, prioritize education and gradual empowerment. Establish clear rules together, but also allow for a margin of autonomy that expands over time and with trust.

Rules that work (and those that will give you meltdowns)

After helping dozens of families establish rules around screens, I've identified what works... and what leads straight to conflict.

The user agreement: old-fashioned but effective

A written document, discussed and signed by you and your child may seem formal, but it clarifies everyone's expectations. Key points to include:

1. Hours of use

• Specific times (e.g. not before 7:30, not after 8:30)
• Phone-free zones (meals, homework, bedroom at night)
• Possible exceptions (weekends, holidays)

2. Expected behaviors

• Respect in communications
• Reporting inappropriate content
• Protection of personal information

3. Parental supervision

• What you will check and how often
• Control applications used
• Shared or unshared passwords

4. Consequences

• What happens if you don't comply?
• How to Regain Confidence After a Breakup

Practical advice: Avoid excessively numerous or unrealistic rules. It's better to follow five rules than ignore 15. And plan to review this contract every six months—what's fine for an 11-year-old will inevitably be too restrictive for a 13-year-old.

Phone-free zones and times

Certain spaces and moments deserve to be preserved from screens:

Areas to be protected:

• Dining table (family meal)
• Bedroom (especially at night)
• Bathroom (for obvious privacy reasons)
  

Moments to protect:

• One hour before bedtime (for sleep quality)
• During homework (unless specifically needed)
• At family gatherings
• During meals

A tip that worked for us: The phone box in the entryway. The whole family (including parents!) puts their phones in it when they come home. We can take it back for a specific use, but it goes back in the box afterward. This has drastically reduced our "zombie" phone use.

The rules that (almost) always generate conflicts

Some rules, while attractive on paper, create more problems than they solve:

• Indefinite confiscation : "You will get your phone back when you understand" → Ineffective because too vague
• Systematic searches without notice: Destroys trust and encourages concealment
• Rules you don't follow yourself : "Do as I say, not as I do" never works.
  

Personal account : I made the mistake of confiscating my son's phone indefinitely after he lied. The result? Two weeks of extreme tension, and no learning. Since then, I always set a specific time limit and clear conditions for recovery.

Alternatives to smartphones: yes, they exist!

For children who are not yet ready for a smartphone, several alternatives exist:

New generation phones without internet

Unlike the old Nokia 3310, modern phones without internet have a contemporary design and features adapted to today's needs:

Benefits :

• Essential communication (calls and texts)
• Modern design that doesn't look like a "baby phone"
• Long battery life (up to 5 days)
• Shock resistance
• Affordable price (usually less than €100)

Features to look for:

• Basic camera (important for tween socialization)
• Intuitive interface
• Possibility to play some simple games

Personal recommendation: After testing several models for my workshops, https://thephone.fr/ offers the best balance between attractive design and essential features, in my opinion. Children like it because it doesn't look like a "baby phone," and parents are reassured by the lack of internet.

Phones with limited functionality

Some manufacturers offer smartphones with a modified operating system, drastically limiting functionality:

Features :

• No access to standard app stores
• Web browsing limited to approved sites
• No social media
• Built-in content filters

Ideal audience

• Middle school students needing access to certain online resources
• Children who have demonstrated their responsibility with a basic phone
• Situations requiring certain specific applications (transport, education)

These devices can be a good compromise, but beware of false promises. I've seen 12-year-olds bypass the restrictions in less than a week. No system is foolproof when faced with a determined preteen!

Words from parents (who have been there)

Because testimonials are sometimes better than theoretical advice, here are some parents' experiences:

Sophie, mother of a 10-year-old daughter

" We gave Léa a phone without internet for her start in CM2. At first, she was disappointed - 'But Mom, how am I going to make TikToks?'. I stuck with it, and today, she herself admits that she's 'not stressed like her friends who have notifications all the time.' The phone really does what she needs it for: calling me when she gets out of dance class and exchanging text messages with her friends. "

Thomas, father of 13-year-old twins

" I made the mistake of giving my sons smartphones for their 12th birthday, without really thinking about the consequences. Within months, their grades had plummeted, and they were spending all their time on YouTube. We had to reverse course: we replaced the smartphones with basic phones on weekdays, with smartphones only allowed on weekends. It was difficult at first, but their grades improved, and they started playing sports again. "

Karim, father of a 14-year-old boy

" My son was the last in his class without a smartphone in 7th grade. He begged us, talked about social exclusion... We finally gave in, but with strict guidelines: phone left in the living room overnight, parental control apps, limited screen time. Looking back, I think we could have lasted another year. He wasn't really ready, and we had a lot of conflicts over the rules. "

Nathalie, mother of an 11-year-old girl and a 15-year-old boy

" Every child is different! My 11-year-old daughter is much more responsible with her basic phone than her 15-year-old brother is with his smartphone. For the older one, we had to install an app that automatically blocks his phone after 10 p.m., otherwise he'd be on YouTube all night. My daughter puts her phone down on her own to read before bed. "

Frequently Asked Questions (and Our Straightforward Answers)

My child says he feels socially excluded without a smartphone. Is this true?

It depends on their age and environment. In elementary and early middle school, it's usually overkill—children still socialize a lot in person. In 8th and 9th grades, social life actually takes place more through social media, but alternatives exist (like allowing certain apps on the family tablet at specific times).

I asked several teenagers about this. Their response? "We adapt. If a friend doesn't have a smartphone, we call them on their phone or go see them directly."

Aren't phones without internet obsolete in 2025?

On the contrary, they're experiencing a resurgence in interest! Sales of phones without internet increased by 35% last year, driven in particular by the "digital detox" movement and parents' concerns about children's mental health.

Many schools now explicitly recommend them, and some brands like ThePhone have modernized the concept with contemporary designs that appeal to young people.

How do you handle the situation when grandparents give you a smartphone without consulting you?

Ouch, classic and delicate situation! Some ideas:

1. Talk with grandparents to understand their intentions (often benevolent)
2. Explain your concerns without accusing
3. Suggest a compromise (e.g., the smartphone stays at home and is only used under supervision)
4. Turn this gift into a learning opportunity for your child

My mother-in-law gave my 11-year-old daughter an iPhone for Christmas without consulting us. After the initial surprise, we agreed that the phone would stay at home as a "family device" until she was 13. My daughter ultimately agreed to this compromise, and my mother-in-law understood our concerns.

How do I know if my child is using their phone in a problematic way?

Signs that should alert you:

• Marked mood swings when he can't use his phone
• Loss of interest in activities he previously enjoyed
• Secret use, lies about time spent
• Sleep problems, unusual fatigue
• Declining academic results
• Excessive irritability when the subject of the telephone is discussed

If you observe several of these signs, it is time to have a serious conversation and possibly consult a professional.

Bottom line: Trust yourself (but stay informed)

Ultimately, the question "at what age should you give your child a first phone?" doesn't have a universal answer. It depends on your child, your family, your values, and your life context.

What I can tell you for sure is that:

• The longer you delay smartphone access, the more your child will develop other essential skills
• A phone without internet is a great, often underestimated, intermediate step
• Whatever your decision, parental support remains the most determining factor.

And remember: You're not a "bad parent" if you allow a smartphone at 12, nor are you an "out-of-touch" parent if you prefer to wait until 14. The important thing is that your decision is thoughtful and appropriate for your child.

Was this article helpful? Feel free to share it with other parents who are asking the same questions. And if you have any experiences to share, leave a comment below!

Discover ThePhone, the ideal phone without internet for a first phone: https://thephone.fr/